At first I would slow down to make it through the trees, but as I continued around the house and my confidence grew I began to go faster and faster through the group of trees. At this point I was not slowing down at all until I had successfully made it through the pine trees and was once again in sight where I would repeatedly ignore my aunt’s warnings to be careful so I would not get hurt. This was going fine and I was having a blast until one time when I tried to mix up my route through the trees and I turned past one straight into another. There was a loud noise and next thing I knew I was laying on the ground. I yelled for my aunt who came to my rescue as I was laying on the ground. My one thought was that I had broken the gator which pained me so badly I started crying. I was reassured it could be fixed and the focus turned to my giant headache. When I hit the tree my chest and head jerked forward into the steering wheel leaving me with a large bump on both my forehead and chest. My aunt gave me a bag of ice and some advil for my headache. My parents were given a surprise when they came to pick me up and saw my head, but no one was angry as it was only an accident. And I was left with a story to tell on the first day back at school and new motivation to listen to when adults tell me to do something.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
My Crash
The week before school starts again after summer is when most people want to have a couple more fun times to end a relaxing break from school. For eight-year-old me, this consisted of a day spent with my aunt at her house. The best part of going to her house was that her husband was manager at the local John Deere and so had brought a John Deere 4x2 gator home for me to ride around on that afternoon while they did yard work. I was allowed to ride circles around the house at a reasonable speed, so stubborn me would go slowly when I was driving in the front yard where I was visible and drive at the gator’s top speed as soon as I was in the back yard. There was a cluster of pine trees in the back yard which I had to avoid or else I would crash. This only created more excitement for me because the trees caused both a challenge and a danger.
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I thought that the story was very engaging. The opening was very good; it showed that there was an intriguing twist soon to follow. I do think, however, that there could be more detail describing the actual crash. The buildup took so long and the actual event went by very quickly so I would suggest lengthening that area out. Especially for this story, it would be easy to throw in some sensory details such as sounds, textures, taste (as you ate the wheel), and the pain you felt. Also, there could be more with how your parents felt about it and whether or not they were hesitant to let you attempt to ride the four-wheeler again. Over all, great story!
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